Lost Video Island

[OvariesOfSteel]

Title: Fragile
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Kate, Kate/Juliet
Rating: Soft R? Nothing too specific
Notes: This is the first time I've tried any sort of femslash, and I wrote it for Nikki. Hope you like it Nikki!
LJ Link:
http://ovariesofsteel.livejournal.com/33779.html#cutid1

She’s tired of fighting. Tired of feeling of suspicious, angry, and rejected. She’s tired of playing second fiddle in her relationship with Jack, and of the low self-esteem she’s developed because of it. She can’t escape the gnawing feeling that he’s running around on her, thus making a fool out of her. She can’t stop wondering if it’s someone they know. Someone they socialize with regularly. Someone they once shared that traumatic island experience with. Someone they will have to re-visit that island experience with when they follow Ben to his mystery woman.

She’s sitting in the middle of Aaron’s bedroom lost in thought when she hears the door slam downstairs. She pretends she doesn’t hear him when he calls for her. She pretends she doesn’t hear him leave someone a message sounding a lot like confirming a rendezvous. She even momentarily feigns shock when he walks in to find her there.

“Kate, what are you doing?”

She doesn’t turn to look at him. “Hmm? Nothing. Thinking.”

“We had to do it, Kate. We have to go back.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t regret it, can’t miss him. It’s not easy for me, Jack.”

“He’s safe. That’s all that matters.”

“I know.”

“Then stop sulking.”

“I remember a time when you’d have been right here beside me, missing him.” She finally looked up at him, sadness marring her brow.

He looks back at her, angry at her display of emotion. He doesn’t even care if she can tell. “Kate, don’t.”

“Don’t what Jack? Don’t ask you where you’ve been? Don’t ask you who you were arranging a meeting with? Don’t ask you why you don’t care anymore?” Now she was near tears.

Seeing her that way only makes him more angry, both at her state and at his anger. He isn’t sure when it had happened, but he finds himself resenting her love for him. He doesn’t think he's worth it anymore, not when he's failed everyone so badly. Sure, he had gotten them off the island but at what cost? And now…now they all have to go back. Because of him. Because he's failed, again. How can he admit that to Kate?

“You can’t even put forth enough effort to make up an excuse, can you?” The tears flow freely now. “Jack, I can’t do this! I can’t go on pretending everything is ok. I just can’t!”

He snaps. “Nobody’s asking you to, Kate! NOBODY. We don’t have to pretend for Aaron anymore. He’s safe, and he’ll probably never see either one of us again, so let’s just get back to the damn island and end this!” He’d advanced on her so that she is practically shrunk into the floor.

“If that’s what you want, fine. I don’t have the strength to fight anymore. Not for something you don’t think is worth fighting for.”

He figures he might as well give her sufficient reason to walk away and never look back. That way he can justify losing himself in empty sex and alcohol and self-loathing. “You’re damn right you’re not worth fighting for. I don’t even know what I was THINKING getting involved with someone capable of killing a man in cold blood.”

One look at her and he knows. He’s done it. It's over. He hears her sobs as she packs her things, but he waits until he hears the front door slam to let out a sob of his own.

*****

They’ve been back on the island for three days before Kate comes out of her tent. When she does, she decides to go for a walk along the water. Along the way, she runs into Juliet sitting cross-legged close enough to get her feet wet with the incoming tide.

“Hello Kate.”

“Juliet.”

Not sure if she should ask, Juliet peers up at her face. “Is there something wrong?”

Kate remembers Juliet and Jack’s brief dalliance and chooses silence over answering.

Knowingly, Juliet says, “Ah. It’s about Jack, then? I wondered why you two weren’t sharing a tent. “

This brings forth tears for Kate, despite her resolution to hide them from the islanders. “I’d think the answer pretty clear-not worth wondering about.”

“I’d say it’s not worth crying about either, but here you are.”

“Shouldn’t you be trying to control everyone or betraying someone right now? Maybe throwing them in cages?”

“You still can’t believe I’ve changed, can you?” Juliet knows that this banter is distracting Kate from her sadness, and somehow that makes her…happy. She’s always felt some strange pull to Kate, but never been quite able to put her finger on why.

“Does it matter that I do? Let’s not pretend you have feelings.” With that, Kate continues her walk, leaving Juliet to ponder over her desire to chase after her.

***

It’s now been two weeks with no progress. There are still no answers or explanations and Ben has been missing since they landed, or fell more like it, on the island. Sayid approached Kate’s tent for the hundredth time since their arrival and for the hundredth time she refuses to let him in. “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

“Kate, it is not healthy. We can all see that you and Jack are ended. It is time you re-joined us. We are a team. We need you.”

“I don’t care,” she responds , still not opening the tent. “I came because it was necessary for us to recreate the original flight, but I have no intention of getting sucked back in.”

He walks away. She wipes away the tears she is ashamed to still be crying for Jack and their lost love. The tears that are keeping her from throwing herself in to the mysteries the island presents-preventing her from actively working towards getting back to Aaron.

Walking past, Juliet hears her and formulates a plan to snap Kate out of this slump and bring her back to the world of the living. Back to where she’ll be of use to everyone, and to herself.

She approaches Sawyer who’s set up camp exactly where he had three years ago. “James, I need some of the vodka I know you brought with you.”

“For what?”

“Why does anyone need vodka?”

He smiles. “Am I invited to the party?”

“Our days of partying are over. You know that James.”

“Aww, not even once for old time’s sake?”

While his dimples are hard to resist, she replies, “No. Not even once. But, for old time’s sake you will give me a bottle of vodka. Please.”

***

It’s nighttime now, and she knows Kate will sneak out for some fresh air when she thinks everyone is asleep. She even knows what path she’ll take into the woods. It’s the same path she’s taken since the first time they were on the island. She doesn’t stop to wonder why she knows Kate’s habits.

The fire is blazing nicely and she’s just about to open the bottle of vodka when she hears the telltale twigs snapping and leaves rustling. Without turning around, she says, “Hello Kate.”

Fighting the urge to turn back, Kate replies, “Juliet. Seems you’re everywhere.”

“I wouldn’t say twice in three weeks is everywhere, Kate. In fact, I’d say that’s a gross over-generalization.”

She begins to walk past Juliet and her fire when she feels Juliet’s hand grab hers. “Sit.”

“I should listen to you why?”

“Because I have vodka, and I can’t drink the bottle alone.”

She deliberates a few minutes in silence. “You won’t try to have some touchy, feely girl talk with me will you?”

Juliet laughs. “Do I seem that type?”

Kate smiles. It’s her first genuine smile in months. “In that case, pour me a drink.”

***

A couple of hours and three quarters of the bottle go by. Both ladies are feeling warm despite the dwindling fire. They’ve even begun to laugh at their situation-stuck on an island with no idea how to get off of it. Again.

The laughter dying, Kate takes another sip from her cup and stares into the darkness. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“Specifically…” Juliet trails off with a questioning look on her face.

“Well, everything.” Kate giggles. “Ben probably planned this all along. Abandoning us, that is. Who knows if we ever really needed to come back? And why, if Locke is still alive, can’t we find Claire? Not that I’ve contributed to the searching, but still.” She takes another sip. “And then there’s my whole self-imposed isolation from everyone. Here I sit with you of all people. No offense.”

“None taken. I deserve that.”

Kate looks over at her, having to work hard to focus. “Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. It HAS been three years. Maybe you’ve changed.”

Juliet brings her knees up and hugs them. “I don’t know, Kate. I don’t know that we ever really change. Maybe I should never be trusted.”

“Oooh, ominous! Come on. You don’t really think that little of yourself?” She genuinely wonders, and it bothers her that she does.

“Funny, coming from you.”

“What do you mean?” Kate squints, partly because she’s starting to see double.

“You think so little of yourself that you’ve been crying over Jack for three weeks shut up in your tent. Besides the last time I saw you, you haven’t even seen any sun!”

“First of all, pardon me for daring to believe that maybe there’s a glimmer of hope for you to no longer be the conniving, traitorous bitch we all know and hate. Second, I should have known you’d bring up the one thing I don’t want to think about. Screw you!” Kate rises, finishing the liquor in her cup and snatching the bottle.

“Maybe that’s what you need,” Juliet mumbles under her breath, staggering to her feet.

At first, she pretends not to hear. Acknowledging that she’s heard means acknowledging that suddenly a different kind of warmth has rushed over her. One that can’t be explained by the liquor.

“Kate, wait.” The woods are beginning to spin, so she reaches out to steady herself against a tree and focuses her eyes on Kate’s back. “I’m sorry.”

Kate turns around and stumbles before righting herself and taking a swig from the bottle. “Wait for what? What can you possibly say after objectifying me as something that needs to be screwed that will make me want to stay and finish this vodka with you?”

“I-I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. I’m-I’m clearly drunk. I’m sorry, please-please stay.”

Kate goes to hand her the bottle when she trips over a branch and lurches forward. Juliet catches her, but falls backward, dragging Kate with her. Simultaneously they exclaim, “The vodka!” Kate saves it, still lying half on top of Juliet, and they both begin to laugh. Kate rolls so that they’re both lying on their backs right next to each other and again they both speak, “I’m sorry.”

They each turned to face the other, their faces quite near each other. Kate speaks first. “I tend to push people away when they start to get too close to what hurts.”

“It’s natural.” Reciprocating the gesture, she adds, “ I tend to try to push people’s buttons at the most inappropriate times.”

Looking into Juliet’s eyes, Kate wonders out loud, “Why did you say…that as if you…”

Juliet reaches over to brush some dirt from Kate’s cheek and lets her hand linger into a soft caress. “I-I don’t know. I can’t explain it-“ She never finishes the sentence. It gets lost somewhere after Kate’s tongue runs over her teeth and before they’re both undressed. She pulls back at first, shocked at the turn the evening has taken. “Kate, what-“

“Why do you want to talk so much? You said this is what I needed, so let’s do it.” She knows she needs to keep the momentum going or she’ll never go through with this, and somehow, she NEEDS this, even if she has no idea why.

“Kate-“

Again, she is cut off. It shocks her that Kate’s the initiator of this fantasy that she now realizes is the pull she has felt toward Kate all this time. As she realizes this, Kate realizes that the warmth she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge is one she hasn’t felt since she and Jack were happy. Desire.

Neither of them think beyond the moment. Instead, they throw themselves into the moment as if they’ve been doing it for years, and somehow…somehow it feels right.

***

Kate stirs just before sunrise. Her head is pounding at near deafening levels and she’s lying on something uncomfortable. She lifts her bottom and pulls out her rolled up pants, all the while attempting to not wake her equally naked companion. Managing to slide out from Juliet’s arm without waking her, she gathers all her clothes, gets dressed, and heads back for her tent. She doesn’t see Juliet’s eyes open and watch her retreating figure.

Flashes of the evening running through her mind, Juliet lies there until after sunrise. She doesn’t want to go back just yet, in case anyone else is awake. In case Kate’s still on the path. So she remains, remembering, reliving the feel of warm fingers running down her stomach and a warm mouth kissing her all over her body. She wonders if it was all just a dream. When she can’t put it off anymore she gets dressed and starts her own trek back to camp.

As she gets back to the others, Juliet realizes there’s a meeting of some sort going on. At the center of it is Jack, of course, but that’s not what catches her eye. What causes her to stop in her tracks is the sight of Kate approaching the group, looking fresh and ready for action. Their eyes meet and the faintest hint of a smile touches Kate’s lips before she averts here eyes and sits next to Sayid.

“Thanks for joining us, Kate,” Jack says. He doesn’t look at her, but manages to keep his voice neutral. Everyone is looking back and forth between the exes, including Juliet. He continues. “As we’ve been discussing this week, we need to go back to all the known Dharma stations and go from there if we ever hope to find Ben and get some answers.”

He goes on as Sayid takes Kate’s hand and whispers, “I’m glad to see you back with us, Kate.” He’s always been fond of her and since they’ve been back he’s worried.

“I’m glad to be here.” She rests her head against his shoulder and he interprets this as a sign of affection. In reality, she does it so she doesn’t fall over.

Across the circle, Juliet frowns, only partly listening to what Jack is saying.

***

They’re broken up into the groups decided on in the morning. Sayid with Kate and Juliet, Hurley with Jack and Locke, Sawyer with Jin and Sun.

Sayid has prepared all the necessary supplies and Kate sits on the shore waiting for him. Juliet waits until he’s there before approaching, feeling awkward. She wonders if Kate’s been reliving the night as she has and is afraid to try to find an opportunity to address it.

“Hello Sayid. Kate.”

Sayid nods his head in acknowledgement and Kate replies with her usual, “Juliet.”

“Are you both ready?”

Sayid and Kate nod. He adjusts his pack so that the weight is distributed more evenly on his back and the trio set off for the old Hatch site as they’ve been assigned. They hope to find some clues there, maybe a Dharma station they’ve missed in the past.

They arrive at the site and Sayid suggests they split up to cover more ground. They agree that he’ll search west of the hatch and they’ll search east. Of course at the first break the girls take, Juliet decides to hell with awkward and says, “So, about that sex.”

Kate spits out her water. “Ugh.” Wiping her face, she says, “Do we have to do this now?” She’s afraid. Her chest feels tight and her muscles have been tensed all day.

“What better time? Here we are, alone. Again.” Juliet leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “What exactly was that?”

“I thought we already determined it was sex.”

“Oh don’t be cute, Kate.” They stare at each other a few minutes until Kate smiles, breaking the tension.

“I-I don’t know what came over me.”

“Vodka?” Juliet figures she’ll offer Kate the easy out.

Hesitating, considering taking the out, Kate allows her eyes to roam from Juliet’s eyes to her full, pink lips. They linger there for a moment before she moves further down and takes in all of Juliet’s curves and the juncture of her thighs, crossed as they are. At a voice barely above a whisper, she finally says, “I’d be a coward and a liar if I used that excuse.”

Juliet tingles at Kate’s visual perusal of her body. She reaches out and turns Kate’s face toward hers lightly and when she doesn’t resist, she leans forward and lightly touches her lips to Kate’s, shyly, as if they’ve never kissed before. She pulls away momentarily and whispers into her mouth, “I’m glad you came out of hibernation today.”

“I’m glad too.”

Neither of them notices Sayid approach as they kiss again, properly this time.

***

Every day they fulfill their obligations to the group and search, hunt, map the island. Every night finds one of them in the other’s tent after everyone else has gone to bed, all moans and tangled limbs, tongues, and lips. The L word doesn’t cross either of their lips, but Juliet at least is starting to think that’s what this is.

Weeks go by this way with the only frustration being the lack of answers and progress. Their relationship has grown, despite it all, and they’re even talking about coming out to the group.

It’s a humid, starless night and they’re lying in Kate’s tent, spent after making love. Kate runs her fingers idly up and down Juliet’s arm. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to deal with him.”

“Who cares what he says? I mean, are you still in love with him?” Juliet is afraid of the answer, though she’s promised herself she will patiently wait until the answer is no.

Kate doesn’t reply immediately, and despite her promise to herself, Juliet pulls away and sits up. “I just don’t get what you’re holding on for. You guys barely even speak outside of what’s necessary to keep the camp going.”

“We had three years after the first time we were on the island. We raised Aaron as ours. It’s just…I need some time. I thought you understood that.” She strokes Juliet’s back as she speaks.

“I do, Kate, I do. I just don’t understand why it’s a problem for him to know we’re together. Are you ashamed?”

“Of course not! I don’t care what anyone thinks about my suddenly being with a woman.”

“I’m not just any woman. I’m the woman who caged you and had a brief…whatever with him.”

Kate is silent.

“You see?” Gathering all of her things, Juliet leaves without another word. She doesn’t let the tears flow until she’s back in her own tent.

Once he sees her leave, Sayid comes to Kate’s tent. “Kate?”

“Sayid?”

“May I come in?”

“Um, hold on.” She scrambles to make herself decent. “Ok.”

He comes in and sits. “Kate, there is something I have been meaning to speak with you about.”

“What is it, Sayid?”

“I-I came upon you and Juliet that first day we went out to the hatch. I did not mean to. I have also noticed that the two of you have been growing…closer since then.”

“What business is any of that of yours?” She’s angry, her face red.

“It is my business if it is her way of compromising your judgment or keeping you away from the rest of us. I am just curious as to why you continue to keep it secret from everyone, I suppose.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, Sayid, there are no Others that we’ve been able to find here on this godforsaken island, and the only person compromising us is Benjamin Linus. And since when don’t you trust me, Sayid? You’ve never doubted me before.”

He realizes his fondness for Kate might be making him see things that are not there. “My apologies, Kate. I do, however, continue to wonder why you don’t tell everyone you are together?”

“It’s complicated.”

“He doesn’t appear to love you anymore.”

She looks at him, a pang in her chest at his words. “I don’t know if he ever did, if I’m being honest.”

“Look at me,” he says, placing his hand on her chin to tilt her head up. “He is a stupid man. And if you and Juliet are happy together, you shouldn’t keep that a secret.”

“We are. I mean, I think we are.”

“Do you love her?”

“I think about her all the time. She’s been a great friend to me, letting me unload all of my past on her. She’s so patient, and kind-nothing at all like the Juliet I remember.”

“The one who caged you?”

Kate laughs. “Exactly. Although in a way she has me trapped all over again. I miss her when we’re apart.”

Sayid looks at her and smiles knowingly. “Then what are you waiting for?”

***

Juliet is tired and she is sore from hiking all night through the woods. Her face is streaked with dirt and tears and she just wants to get a few hours of sleep. Unfortunately, she doesn’t quite make it back to camp before she sits, ‘just for a minute’ and proceeds to fall asleep on the spot.

She wakes up to the feel of two rough hands on her arms, pulling her up. “Hmm? What?”

“Juliet. Wake up. What are you doing?”

She opens her eyes and sees Jack. “I was-I was so tired.”

“Where have you been?”

“Hiking.”

“In the dark?”

“It’s not dark now,” she mumbles sleepily.

“Which is the only reason I found you. Come on. I’ll take you back to your tent.”

He deposits her softly on her makeshift mattress and turns around to leave. “Jack.”

He turns to face her again. “Hmm?”

“Thank you,” she says, already falling fast asleep.

He smiles, bends to tuck her blanket around her so she stays warm, and leaves.

She sleeps all day. That night, instead of going to Kate’s tent where she doesn’t even want to deal with the same argument, Juliet goes out to their clearing and lights a fire. When she hears the twigs snapping and the leaves rustling, she smiles.

“We have to stop meeting this way.” The voice is definitely not Kate.

“Jack? What are you doing?”

“I came looking for you. Wanted to make sure you weren’t going to hike all night again. What was up with that?”

She throws more wood onto the fire. “Nothing you need to worry about.” She things to herself, Certainly nothing you’ll ever find out about, I’m sure.

“Are you sure?”

“You ever just…want to give up?”

Thinking back to the way he ended things with Kate, Jack nods. “All the time. Sometimes I even do.”

“I just…I wonder sometimes if it’s worth it. If I shouldn’t just try to forget.”

He has no idea what she’s talking about, but he agrees. “It would be great to forget.”

“You ever just want to give up on love?”

Not realizing they’re talking about the same person, but for different reasons, he looks over at her. “Giving up usually requires distractions.”

“Is that what you did, with Kate?”

Maybe it’s the brief past they share, the bond they formed when she held him captive-or maybe he just needs to be honest with someone. Whatever the reason, he confides in Juliet, “It’s taken a lot of distractions to get over her.”

“Are you over her?”

“I thought I was.”

“Then what happened?”

“We came back here. She’s suddenly happy. I think I’m just jealous that she’s found something I don’t deserve.”

“That’s…that’s ridiculous.”

He laughs. “It’s worse because here I don’t have any distractions.” He breaks off another piece of a branch and throws it in the fire.

Without thinking about it, Juliet says, “I’ll be your distraction. Just for tonight.”

The crackling of the burning wood is louder because of the sudden silence, but finally he breaks it. “Are you sure?”

Hurt and angry over her last conversation with Kate, Juliet comes over to him and straddles him. “Oh yeah, I’m sure.” He wipes the single tear falling down her cheek before pulling her shirt off over her head.

Neither of them hears the footsteps that approach slowly and proceed to run away.

***

“What happened?! Talk to me!” Jack is a madman running back to camp, not even stopping to put his shirt on or ask who he’s running to save.

“I found her a few minutes ago. There was so much blood-hurry!”

As Jack runs past him, Sayid looks down at Juliet who is clutching a blanket over her unclothed body.

“If she dies, it’s on your heads.”

Juliet is dressed and back to camp at the same time as Jack.

“Oh my God! What happened?” She approaches a bloody scene with Jack holding Kate’s head in his lap and holding pressure to her wrists. She watches the life literally seep out of her lover onto the ground.

“No! No, Kate. No baby, no. You can’t die!” She throws herself to the ground, lying her head atop Kate’s chest. “I never got to tell you that I love you! You can’t do this!”

Jack barely registers what she is saying. He’s too overwhelmed by his own grief. “Kate, Kate I’m so sorry. I should have never pushed you away like I did. I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t think I deserved you. My God Kate. KATE!” He pushes Juliet off of her and starts to do CPR. “Somebody hold pressure on her wrists.

“Jack, Jack stop. She’s lost too much blood.”

“What? What do you mean stop?” He can hear Juliet’s words but they don’t make any sense. Stopping CPR doesn’t make any sense.

“Look, Jack. Look at this pool of blood. We have no way of saving her. She’s hypovolemic. We can’t type and cross, we can’t-”“I am NOT giving up on her. You hear me? I’m not. She’s B Positive. Find me someone B Positive and get Sun. She helped me with Boone.”

“Boone died.”

“Stop wasting time damnit! GO!”

“I’ll go,” Sayid says, sickened at the sight of both Jack and Juliet at this point.

He and Sun get back too late, if there was ever really hope. He drops to his knees beside her and, stoic as ever, says, “You will both unhand her right now. Neither of you was worth to kiss her feet and if you are to mourn, it will not be over her body. I am going to give her proper burial as she deserves, right now.” He picks her up and rises effortlessly, then walks off down the beach, alone.

He lies her down in the shallow grave and, kissing her forhead, whispers, “I would have treated you like a Queen. Now, I can only hope you will be at peace.”
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Writing4aCause

[nikkimonique]

at the ending! That was soooo good! I loved it all, Jack being an ass, Juliet and Kate's relationship, the awesome dialog...... but what I surprisingly liked the most were the parts with Kate and Sayid. It was really well written and believable. I always thought they'd be good together....especially in the first season. Great job and thanks for writing it for me. Poor Kate.
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[OvariesOfSteel]

[nikkimonique]

Its funny you'd say that b/c I've thinking all day how I could turn it into a vid with Sayid and everything. It would have to be kind of loosely based b/c some of those scenes might be hard...but I think I might try to do it eventually. If Evangeline Lilly's site ever goes back up.
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[Wickedgal]

this was really good! i enjoyed it so much! Jack's been a bit of an ass this season, if I have to be honest and you captured that side of him brilliantly! this is amazing!
i sincerely hope the Jack we all know and love comes back in season six
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[OvariesOfSteel]

[OvariesOfSteel]

[Kuliet4ever]

Great, great job! I too was at the ending. I loved all the interaction between everyone.
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[OvariesOfSteel]

[Kuliet4ever]

Nah that worked really well, I always have a problem with time shifts in my fics, which I think makes some of mine too long. You handled it perfectly!
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[nikkimonique]

Hey Eggy, so I wanted to let you kn ow I started to make a vid for this. Not sure when it will actually get finished but it will get done!
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[OvariesOfSteel]

[nikkimonique]

I have the beginning with Jack being an ass all worked out...its going to be kind of different from the scenes in your story but gets the same point across.
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[nikkimonique]

So I finally finished your video!! Its rendering so it should be up on the site soon! I tired to follow your story as best I could but I had to change a few things up to work for vidding. There is so much audio manipping in this I hope people will understand it and I really hope you like it and that I did your brilliant fanfic justice. .
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[littleton_pace]

wow; i just read this and im still at how fantastic it is!! the burgeoning Kuliet came so naturally and you have the characters so down pat, Juliet particularly. I could see her saying those lines. Btw, i loved your little nod to Kate not trying to find Claire Im so excited to see the video, but this fic is brilliant
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