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Just on of those moments (Sawyer fanfic, PG, short)

 
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Jackaroo
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Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 30

PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 10:13 am    Post subject: Just on of those moments (Sawyer fanfic, PG, short) Reply with quote

Title: (not my favourite part to fill in) Just one of those moments
Genre: General.
Rating: PG.
Warnings: Sawyer in trouble. Oh, dear – now we seen it all.
Spoilers: I could not have written this if I weren’t spoiled by people who mentioned and/or showed something about food. All forgiven, by the way.
Notes: first Sawyer fic.
Feedback makes me happy

Just one of those moments

“What is wrong with you!” Kate exclaimed.

There had been moments he’d thought she understood him better than anyone else ever had; that she had somehow managed to see through him, see through the masquerade and get a clear view of his soul.

Those moments never lasted, though, and whatever he’d tell her in them, he’d regret having done so later. And never did she confide in him in return.

It’d taken him years to build up the wall of defense around him; the one that enabled him to tell himself he didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought about him. But she – she made him care. Because – dang it – he cared about her. Which made life a teensy bit more complicated.

And there had been moments, as well, in which he’d thought she cared about him, too.

But at other times, she made it so clear she didn’t that he wondered how he could’ve believed it.

Now was one of those moments. There she stood, meddling with stuff that wasn’t any of her business. Frowning like she did.

Sometimes he nearly hated her. Heck - maybe they should marry.

“Stay out of it, Freckles. Ain’t none of your business.”

“You’re burning our food. How is that not my business?”

“This ain’t our food. And we did fine without it, before.”

“Oh, so you miss the old days, ha?”

He rolled his eyes.

Could try to explain. That he wasn’t the only one suspecting something was wrong with the Dharma food. That the difference between those who did and those who did not eat it was growing clearer by the day. That this – ditching it – was the only way to stop those morons from doing whatever it was exactly to themselves.

She’d probably just tell him he should’ve consulted Jack about it.

“Hey! What’s going on here?”

Speaking of the devil.

Jack pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered around the fire when Kate’d started yelling. Sawyer rolled his eyes and waited for Kate to fill the Good Doctor in – and with him everyone else there.

“Sawyer’s burnt the Dharma food supplies,” she ratted him out.

“What?” Jack turned to Sawyer with a puzzled and already disapproving look in his face. A mutter started to rise from the crowd immediately.

And there he was again. Surrounded by people who looked at him with disapproving, angry and disgusted faces. Talked about him with disapproving, angry and disgusted tones in their voices. Right where he belonged.

People so determined of seeing bad in all that he did they wouldn’t stop to think he might have a brain he used now and then. Like a herd of sheep that preferred eating poison to thinking for themselves.

He wondered if it was the food that’d dumbed them up, or if they’d been so stupid all along – didn’t take him long to get to a conclusion.

As he answered Jack, he wondered why he kept trying to explain himself.

“The food’s bad and you know it.”

Kate cut in before Jack could open his mouth,

“We don’t know that -”

“Like **** we don’t!” he snapped harshly.

“ - and even if it’s true – who gave you the right to decide what to do with it?”

This was one of those moments in which he decided he’d stay who he was; in which he decided to not bother trying to change into something better, or whatever. Moments in which the gall of bitterness took him over, as he realized he would never be able to earn anyone’s trust let alone love. He hated Jack for being the man standing next to Kate instead of him, for being put on a ******* higher platform by her – he hated him for it because he couldn’t hate her.

So he was Sawyer, again – still – snorting with a sarcastic smile and stepping up to her.

“Jeez – I dunno, Freckles. Who you figure’s got the right to give me rights, then?”

With that he eyed Jack, who seemed remarkably less excited about the whole thing than most of the others. Jack wasn’t a sheep – if he had been he’d been a lot easier to deal with. Lot easier to really hate, too.

“So whadda ya think, Doc? We’re all gonna die now?”

Jack took a breath – guy always seemed to need his five seconds of thinking-time – so Sawyer stepped up to him and continued with a volume making it impossible for anyone besides Jack to hear (even for Kate),

“Let’s face it, Jackass. You know the food had got to go just as much as I do, but you’re either too chicken to do it yourself, or too smart. Knew I’d do the dirty work for ya sooner or later, didn’t ya?”

Jack just sighed and looked past him into the fire – or into nowhere.

**** you Sawyer told him with his eyes, and he walked away.
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