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Alone Inside Me - A Jate Fanfiction
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 7:58 pm    Post subject: Alone Inside Me - A Jate Fanfiction Reply with quote

A/N This is my first fanfiction and I’m not sure how it wil develop! A jate story about forgivness. Set after the losties have been “rescued”. Many not seem much jate for the first few chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own lost or any of it’s characters.

A Lonly Life


Kate looked around her empty cell. What she’d give to be back on the island in Jack’s arms. But after the rescue boat arrived he left her. Just like every other man in her life, when the tough times arouse they’d get up and go. Now here she was, sentenced to life.
They’d been through so much over their time on the island.
“Miss Austen? You have a visitor.” She realised someone was talking to her,
“What?” She asked,
“A visitor, for you.” Her face was puzzled. No one would want to visit her, nobody cared for her. Then her heart started to beat, Jack, Jack, Jack.
The warden lead her to a visiting bay. There on the other side of the glass sat a man with blonde locks. He turned round and she recognised him as Sawyer. She lifted the phone to talk,
“Hey,”
“Hey freckles, hows it going?” Kate laughed, it sounded bitter, not like she used to laugh.
“I’m sentenced to twenty five years in jail. I have no freedom, never will do. I’ll be almost fifty five by the time I’m out. Anyway why are you here?” She couldn’t be bothered to chat about trivial nonsense.
“Calm down. No reason, can I not show a little support for an old pal, anyway thought you’d enjoy company.” Kate knew that was right, she’d refused to talk for days and even if she’d wanted to there was no one to talk to.
“Have you seen...”
“Jack? Yeah he said hey.” Her heart skipped a beat, so he did care.
“Is that all?”
“Yeah, sorry freckles. I’m seeing him later if you want me to tell him anything.”
Her heart fell, did he even care? He’d missed the trial and hadn’t seen her since. She was kidding herself.
“No, nothing.” She stood up and ran back to her cell not looking back. He reminded her of the struggle she went through to get Jack. The denial, the running. She would give anything to hear his voice.
She sat on her bed and cried. Kate never wanted it to be like that. She never was a bad girl, she only ever wanted to help; to give her mum a better life.
Jack understood her, he knew she was a good person at heart. But why did he leave her? Why didn’t he keep his promise? He told her forever and then he left. She never thought she’d be like that over a man. Never thought she’d let him control her life. Never thought she’d let him leave...

A/N Was it any good? I know it’s short but I don’t want my first chapter to give the whole story away. I just wanted to get you guys used to my writing style, and to see if any one would bother reading it or if it’s been done too many times before. I do have a few plot twists which haven’t been done (or I don’t think so). Please leave a review, constructive critisism is always welcome. Rbexter93
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Last edited by rbexter93 on Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey rbexter93!

I thought this was good for your first chapter. Didnt give too much away, which is good, otherwise we would all be predicting the ending and wouldnt want to come back to read the next chapters. The grammer was good! Your sure know your English (the subject ). The only thing I would say (critism wise) is that, why would Sawyer be seeing Jack later? They hate eachother! Unless thats a story line yet to be written... hmmm...

I thought the dialogue was good. Some FF's have lines in them that don't sound like what the characters would say at at all, but yours sounded good.

Anyway, I would deffinalty read Chapter 2.

Nice work!
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"Jack is the guy she should be with.
She does genuinely love him.
And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just realised how many times I said good.


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And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks and yeah the Sawyer seeing Jsck thing will be explained... plus island flashbacks that happen between live together die alone and them being rescued
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OoOoOo! Can't wait!
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And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll start wrinting it when my video uploads
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Lostwithoutdom
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really liked it so far please write more.
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alone Inside Me – Chapter 2, Through Your Eyes


A/N Thanks for the response! Some parts of this are “island flashbacks” set between “Live Together, Die Alone” and the “Rescue”


His eyes glazed over her. It was as if she was invisable. Maybe he could remember what happened. He still blamed himself. After the others kidnapped them they were shoved in a hatch with no food or water. They scarcly survived...
Kate sat and wept. She’d never thought of jail on the island.She’d felt so free. She stopped running, she found Jack. They’d sit and talk of the future; he wanted kids, she laughed and wrinkled her face. What she found in him was salvation, confirmation. What she found in him was herself.
Memories were still too tender, too real. She awoke at night screaming, picturing him leave again and again To only say his name made her heart throb with pain.
It was on the eight day that the others came to take them. Six of them came and lifted them to separate rooms.There she was drugged and after that only pain, screaming and a numb feeling where her heart was. It was then that the silence began. Maybe he remembered what she didn’t, maybe he felt something that she never. Maybe he forgot how to love.
On Tuesdays Kate was sent to talk to a warden. She asked how she was and how she felt, all the usual crap. She answered politly, anything to cut time. This was the only place she felt free to talk. Screaming inside, but no one listens.
Four days later the others returned, they were free to go,
“Thank the lord for sunlight,” Sawyer joked. But for Kate it was no joke. In the hatch she felt locked up and that was one of her ultimate fears, to be confined to a certain space, no space to run. Jack was silent. He walked further ahead, slept for shorter hours and whenever they tried to talk to him he was distant. His eyes seemed dead, as if all of his love and care had been sucked from them. When Kate put her hand on his he pulled away. That was what upset her the most.
Her warden suggested she left, she’d been distant all afternoon and plus it was almost dinner time.
“Great,” She mumbled, grey slime and sour water. She refused to eat anything for the first week but soon realised it wouldn’t work. They always had food on the island, she was never hungry. To think of what she had and what she’d lost. The tears gathered and she felt empty. She finally understood why Jack had been withdrawn after the kidnap. She finally understood why he left.


A/N So another chapter. Where the flashbacks good? Any suggestions? Should Jack appear in teh next chapter? Any comments are welcome. (intoTheVoid the Sawyer/Jack relationship will be explained when Jack appears) It was only short but it is sorta a filler more than anything.
Rbexter93
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2006 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is good stuff! You writing is so intelligent! I think maybe you should do a full flashback next chapter, all about what happened after they were released (you mentioned some here, but maybe a full, detailed acount?).

Can't wait for Chapter 3
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She does genuinely love him.
And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 5:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah, my english teacher says I'm good at story writing
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You really are! This is good stuff
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"Jack is the guy she should be with.
She does genuinely love him.
And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alone Inside Me – Chapter 3, Let Me In


A/N: This whole chapter is a flashback explaining what happened after they were released and why Jack is silent, enjoy! Dedicated to IntoTheVoid


They were lost. Jack had no idea where he was going and even if he did he was still silent. It had been almost a week since they’d been realeased.
“Jack? Talk to me, we’re lost and you’re not helping. Please, let me in” Kate pleaded but his eyes continued to stare straight past her, as if she wasn’t there.
“I know,” He mumbled, “Kate, they told me, they showed me.” Puzzled, she looked for a sign of emotion in his eyes but couldn’t find an ounce.
She sighed, it was obvious he was delerious. He’d drank very little and refused to eat. She ran to the clearing, her eyes welled with tears.
“Hey freckles, is doc up to talkin yet cause there’s not much water...” Concern was obvious in his voice,
“Sawyer, what happened when they took us? Into them rooms? I was out cold, but...”
“Same here freckles but maybe good old saint Jack remembers something I don’t,”
“He said he knows, he said they showed him. Showed him what? I just want him back.”
"Yeah and I just want some water,"
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IntoTheVoid
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another witty and brilliantly written chapter!
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She does genuinely love him.
And she knows that he would take excellent care of her." - Damon Lindelof
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Lostwithoutdom
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 7:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really enjoyed reading these chapters...... more please.
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rbexter93
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alone Inside Me – Chapter 4, A New Life



A/N This chapter is from Jack’s P.O.V and the next chapter will probably be the reunion.


Jack sunk into his sofa and sighed. Had it only been a month since his life had changed? He never wanted to be rescued, he loved it there. His new home seemed empty, his job stressful and there didn’t seem enough hours in a day.
As soon as they got back oceanic flights granted each passenger compensation, apart from Kate. She was told that an extra year as a free woman was enough. They disgusted him. Kate was a way better person than many people he knew. Everyone makes mistakes, hers was just more serious.
He felt a coward for not visiting her but he didn’t know what to say, what to feel. Seeing her in that sort of place would just upset him.
When he returned he had to break the news to his mother of his fathers death. He told her many stories of the island and how he’d been saved by an angel. She just laughed and told him them days were over. She was right but what he’d give to be back there with Kate.
His job at the hospital had been kept for him but he didn’t really want it. Still he found himself saying yes. Jack met a girl named Alli. She reminded him of Kate so much and provided company during lonely nights. He found himself giving into his weaknesses, he could never love her. He knew she wasn’t Kate but it still didn’t stop him trying. Despite going no further than telling her she looked nice, he still felt guilty. He had a life and was complaining. Kate was locked in a cell...
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