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The Butcher.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

one internet talk word thing: LMAO


That was a great ep, Marcus!
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marcus
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks MG. Btw I'm gonna do what you said and have the two seasons of six episodes.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool
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marcus
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What? You suggested it.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol I get emotional when people use my suggestions
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marcus
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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fallen_angel
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AWWW
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Aislynn
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

marcus wrote:
“AHHH!!!” yelled Rodolfo. “We’re all going to diet!”

“You mean die?” Joe yelled back.


Come on, diet, die... Same difference!

marcus wrote:
“Now…” continued the man. “You have to pull the sail up, like this, or else it may lose control and you may die. Also, make sure you are not sitting at the front of the sailboat, or else it could collapse and you may die…you should also have one person looking back and one person looking forwards at all times, or else you may die.”


You know, I'm beginning to feel like sailing might be dangerous, here...

Great job!
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marcus
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Aislynn. That bald guy is based on a real camp instructor from my Year Six camp, he would make everything seem way more dangerous than it was.
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marcus
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 1:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man sat at home, eating a big piece of juicy steak. He cut a piece and put it into his mouth, then started chewing. And chewing. And chewing. The steak wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t swallow it, it was too chewy! He coughed it up and threw it into the bin. “Grr!” said the man angrily. “Alright, it’s okay. I’m sure the rest is all fine…” He got out some Worcestershire sauce to put on the steak to see if it would taste better. There was none left in the bottle. The man growled.

“That does it!” he yelled. “I want some proper steak, and I need some more Worcestershire sauce!” He got up out of his chair, then scratched his head. “Where’d I get the steak from again?”

The Butcher.

Starring…

Bruce
Joe
Rodolfo

And Guest Starring Marcus and Harry.

Joe walked into the butcher shop. It was looking better than it ever had before, after the damage from the fire had been fixed up.

“Hey, son!” said Bruce. “Whisky?” He held up a bottle of whisky.

“Err…” replied Joe. “It’s…it’s eight o’clock in the morning, dad.”

“So?” asked Bruce. Joe sighed. Bruce put the bottle away. “Anyway…” he continued. “We need to get rid of some of this stuff! I mean, I wanted them to repair the damage from the fire! Not to add in any extra bits!”

“Dad, why can’t we just leave it?” asked Joe.

“Because…” said Bruce. “You see this new bench?” he asked, banging his hand on the shiny new bench. “It’s made out of metal!”

“Umm…yeah…” said Joe. “Your point being?”

“Metal rusts, Joe!” snapped Bruce. “And if it rusts, then I’m gonna have to go buy a new bench! I’m not the richest man in the world, you know!”

Joe sighed. “So you’re gonna sell it and still have to buy a new bench?” he asked.

“Ofcourse not!” said Bruce. “I’m going to get Rodolfo to go out and sell it while it’s still worth something!” At that moment Rodolfo walked into the shop.

“Hello, human girls…” said Rodolfo. “My jacket ate the dog!”

Joe and Bruce both stared at Rodolfo. “Go sell the bench already.” Bruce finally said. Joe helped Rodolfo pick up the bench, then brought it onto the back of Bruce’s Ute.

“Don’t damage my Ute!” Bruce yelled. “I’ve had it for over thirty years!”

“Please damage it, Rodolfo.” muttered Joe. “This Ute is the worst vehicle I’ve ever seen!” Rodolfo drove off without hearing Joe’s words.


A customer walked into the shop. “Ah, good to see you again, Marcus!” exclaimed Bruce, grinning.

“I’m not in a good mood, Bruce!” snapped Marcus, walking up to where there should have been a desk. “Your steak was far too chewy! I want some new steak! And it better taste good!”

Bruce smiled and nodded. “I’ll see what I can do…”

“Good!” replied Marcus. “And get me some more Worcestershire sauce too!”

“Okay!” smiled Bruce. He walked off into the back room. “People, hurry up and get some steak!” he yelled. “And it can’t be chewy!”

One of the butchers rolled his eyes. “We don’t have any non-chewy steak! Cheap steak is always chewy!”

“Shut up, Harry!” snapped Bruce. “If it’s too chewy, we have to make it un-chewy!”

“That’s impossible!” groaned Harry. “I swear, if this happens one more time, I’m gonna quit!”

“No!” said Bruce quickly. “Please can you just try and make it slightly less chewy?!?”

Harry sighed. “Fine. Get me a knife.” Joe handed him a knife. He started using it to get rid of the stringy bits.

“Okay, and can someone else please get me some Worcestershire sauce?” asked Bruce.

“I’ll get it!” said Joe. He opened up the cupboard. “Okay…none in here…” He opened up another. Then another. And several more. None of them had any sauce in them. He walked out to the room Marcus was in, then stared at the blank spot where the bench should have been. “Oh crap.” he muttered to himself.


“Ooh, when my baby smiles at me I go to Rio!” sang Rodolfo, in Bruce’s 30 year old Ute. In the back of the Ute was the bench, which had three boxes of Worcestershire sauce in the drawers. “De Janeiro, my-oh-me-oh! I go wild and then I have to do the Samba! And La Bamba!” Suddenly he realised he had gotten to the second hand store. He beeped the horn and a man came running out.

“How may I help you, sir?” asked the man.

“Err, I have bench in the back of my Ute…” said Rodolfo. “Made of medal!”

“Medal?” asked the man.

“Yes.” replied Rodolfo. “Silver medal!”

“Are you…sure you don’t mean metal?” asked the man.

Rodolfo thought about this for a while. “No…no, I think it is medal.”

“Medal as in…Olympic medal?” asked the man.

“Err, yes.” said Rodolfo, nodding. “Olive-pic medal.”

The man scratched his head. “So…it’s a bench made…entirely out of silver medals from the Olympics?”

“Err…” said Rodolfo. “I suppose it must be.”

“Wow!” the man said in shock. “I didn’t know that was possible!” Obviously this man wasn’t the brightest man in the world. After all, he did work at a second hand store.


“The Worcestershire sauce!” yelled Joe, after running into the back room. “It was in the drawers of the bench!”

“Oh, god!” said Bruce. “This is the last thing we need!” He looked over at Harry. “How’s the steak going? Is it still chewy?”

“A little bit.” replied Harry, still cutting off all the long stringy bits.

“What do we do about the sauce?” asked Joe.

“Call Rodolfo!” snapped Bruce. Joe called Rodolfo’s mobile number.


“And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know!” sang Rodolfo, on his way back to the shop. “Woah, woah, woah! God bless you, please, Mrs. Robinson! Heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey, hey, hey!”

Rodolfo’s mobile rang, but Rodolfo couldn’t hear it over the sound of the loud music and his terrible singing.


“Darn it!” said Joe, hanging up. “He won’t answer!” Bruce frowned angrily.

“Hey!” yelled Marcus. “How long do I have to wait?!?”

Bruce ran out. “Err, there’s a slight delay with the steak, we want to get it just right for you.” he said, with an unconvincing smile. “Now, while you wait, Joe has a great magic trick he can show you!” He ran into the back room. “Take it away, Joe!”

“What magic trick?!?” whispered Joe.

“I dunno!” replied Bruce. “Make something up!” He pushed Joe out into the main room. Joe looked around, then grabbed a piece of chicken.

“Err, hello…” said Joe. “I am the great magician Joseph!” He picked up a piece of pig’s leg in his other hand. “You won’t believe what you see in the next few minutes! Right before your very eyes, you will witness…a miracle!” He stared at the chicken in one hand and the pig’s leg in the other, still without a clue what he was going to do with them. He threw up the chicken in the air then caught it, then kept juggling it over and over. He started juggling the pig’s leg too.

“That’s not magic!” Marcus said, annoyed. “It’s just juggling!”

“Or is it?” asked Joe, raising one eyebrow. “You see, that’s the mystery of the trick!”

“It’s just juggling.” repeated Marcus.

“Or is it???” repeated Joe. Marcus stared at him strangely.


Rodolfo walked into the back room. “I did it!” he exclaimed. “I sold the Olive-pit silver medal bench!”

“Rodolfo, you stupid little--” began Bruce. Then he stared at all the money in Rodolfo’s hand. “What’s all that?” he asked in shock.

“Forty thousand dollars!” Rodolfo said proudly.

“Wha…how did you get forty thousand dollars for a metal bench???” asked Bruce. Rodolfo opened his mouth to reply, but Harry interrupted him.

“Sir, I’ve finished getting the stringy bits out.” said Harry.

“Excellent!” grinned Bruce. He looked over at Harry, who was holding a small little bone with a tiny bit of meat on it. “What on Earth is that???” he asked.

“It’s your cheap meat.” replied Harry. “Without the stringy bits.”

“But…it’s just a tiny bit of meat on a bone!” Bruce said angrily.

“Exactly.” sighed Harry.

Marcus ran into the room, with Joe running after him. “Sorry…” said Joe. “I couldn’t stop him!”

Marcus looked around the place. “Oh my God!” he said in amazement. “Look at this place! It’s the most unhygienic room I’ve ever seen!” Bruce gulped as Marcus looked at all the pieces of disgusting cheap meat. “I’m gonna report you all!” he shouted.

“No!” yelled Bruce. “Please don’t! We’ll give you anything! I swear, anything!”

“We’ll give you money!” said Joe. “Rodolfo, how much money do you have there?”

“Forty thousand.” grinned Rodolfo.

“Ah, that will do perfectly!” smiled Joe.

“NO!” Bruce yelled again. Everyone stared at him. “Oh…fine!” he said angrily.

Rodolfo handed Marcus the money. “Okay.” said Marcus. “This’ll do. But I want you guys to promise you’ll clean up a bit now!”

“Oh…yeah…” said Bruce. “Yeah, we…we promise.”

“Well, if you’re leaving now, Marcus…” said Harry. “I think I will too.” He threw his apron on the ground.

“What?” snapped Bruce.

“I quit!” said Harry.

“But you can’t quit!” said Bruce angrily.

“Oh please…” replied Harry, laughing. “It’s in my nature to quit. I quit everything! But…I would quit this job even if it wasn’t in my nature. Bye, guys!” The other butchers all waved goodbye to Harry, who walked out with Marcus.

“Oh, god…” Bruce sighed. “I was so close to getting all that money!”

“What would you have done with it anyway, tight-arse?” laughed Joe.

“Well, nothing really…” replied Bruce. “But it’d be nice to be able to say I had that much money.”

Joe stared at Bruce. “You’re an idiot.”

It was another typical day at the Butcher’s.

END OF SEASON ONE. SEASON TWO - COMING SOON.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 1:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lmao especaillt @ the Harry bit.

Great season Marcus
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marcus
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks MG. Season two is gonna be all the girl characters apart from Vicky who's already been done. I've done all the guys in this season.
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marcus
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 6:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A woman sat in her office, typing a report up on her computer. “The food was perfect and the chefs were very professional. I give this restaurant a mark of ten out of ten.” She finished typing.

“Good, finally done!” the woman grinned to herself. She looked over at her list on the wall of different food places she had to review for health and safety.

“Now, who do I have to review next?”

The Butcher.

Starring…

Bruce
Joe
Rodolfo

And Guest Starring Aislynn.


“Good morning to you all, female-oppositions.” Said Rodolfo, walking into the butcher store in the town of Bright.

Joe stared at Rodolfo from behind the desk of the store. “Female-oppositions?” he asked. “Rodolfo, how long have you lived in this country?”

“No!” screamed Rodolfo. “I promise, battery not with liver-cow!”

Joe continued to stare at Rodolfo, and just sighed. “Have you seen Bruce?”

“Seven.” Replied Rodolfo, shaking his head.

“Hmm…” Joe scratched his head. “It’s not like him to be late.”

“I’m in here!” came a voice.

“Bruce?” asked Joe, confused. “Where are you?”

“Upstairs!” yelled Bruce’s voice.

“Upstairs?” asked Joe. “We don’t have an upstairs!”

“We do now!” replied Bruce. “Climb up the ladder next to you!”

Joe looked at the dodgy ladder next to him. He climbed up it, into the roof of the building. Bruce was there with a torch.

“Bruce…what are we in the roof for?” asked Joe.

“This is our new storage area!” grinned Bruce.

“What? That’s crazy!” said Joe. “Do you realise how unhygienic this is?”

“So?” laughed Bruce. “Who cares?”

Just then the bell at the door rang as somebody entered the shop. Bruce and Joe quickly slid back down the ladder. There was a very sensible woman there with a suit and black glasses.

“Who the hell are you?” asked Bruce rudely.

“Aislynn Nottingham, health inspector.” Said the woman, holding up a card.

“Health inspector?!?” asked Joe, scared. “We didn’t know--”

“It’s a surprise inspection.” Replied Aislynn.

“A surprise, huh?” asked Bruce. “Yeah…well…ya sure surprised me.” He laughed nervously.

“I’m going to have to sample some of your meat, please.” Said Aislynn.

“Sure, just wait a few seconds.” Said Bruce. “I’ll go get some meat for ya, while in the mean time, Joe and Rodolfo can talk to you about how healthy this place is!” He ran around the back of the shop.

“So…” said Joe. “This place is probably the healthiest butcher shop I’ve ever worked in…”

“It’s also the only one!” beamed Rodolfo.

Joe growled angrily at Rodolfo then turned to look at Aislynn. “So…knock, knock…”

Aislynn rolled her eyes. “Who’s there?” she asked, although she really couldn’t care less who was there.

“Butch.” Replied Joe.

“Butch who?” asked Aislynn.

“Butcher.” Said Joe. “Haha, get it?” Aislynn stared at Joe. He stared back.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that joke.” Joe finally said. Aislynn nodded.


“Alright, people, we need the finest quality meat we have!” said Bruce.

“You got it, sir!” another butcher said, quickly handing him the best meat they had.

Bruce looked at it. “This is it? This is the best of the best meat we have?”

“Yep.” Said the other butcher.

Bruce took a bite out of the meat and quickly spat it back out. “Oh my God…it tastes like charcoal!”

“But it’s the finest quality charcoal that money can buy.” The butcher replied. All the other butchers laughed at Bruce.

“You’re all fired!” snapped Bruce. The butchers all stared at him.

“Fired?” asked a butcher. “What for? We were just laughing!”

“Fine, you’re not fired!” replied Bruce. “But I need you to do me a favour…”


“What’s taking your boss so long?” asked Aislynn. “Could you tell him to hurry up?”

“Sure.” Joe winked. “Hey, Bruce!” he yelled. “Chop chop!” He turned to Aislynn. “Hehe…get it?…we’re butchers…we make chops…”

Another awkward silence followed. “Give me a tour of the store.” Said Aislynn.

“Okay.” Said Joe. “Uhh…” He walked over to the front door. “This is the door, we find it’s very useful for accessing the store.”

Aislynn sighed. “Show me the oven.”

“Okay…” Joe said, walking to the oven. He opened it up to find a plastic phone inside it. He stared at Rodolfo. “Did you put this here?” he asked.

“What?” asked Rodolfo. “The donkey ate my lunchbox!”

“Don’t put toy phones in the oven!” snapped Joe.

Rodolfo gasped. “It’s a…toy? I thought it was real!” He ran out of the store, crying.

Joe and Aislynn both stood there, shocked. Joe sighed. There was only one way for this store to get out of this trouble. He shook hands with Aislynn, leaving a fifty dollar note in her hand.

“I hope you give this place a very good review.” Said Joe.

“Fifty bucks?” asked Aislynn. “That’s all you’ve got? No way!”

“I’ll get some more from Bruce.” Said Joe. “Be right back!” He ran to the back of the store.


“Bruce!” yelled Joe. “Give me three thousand dollars, atleast, now!”

“Three thousand?” asked Bruce. “That’s crazy! I’ll give you a cheque for seventeen cents, but you have to pay me back!”

“Grr, this is no time for you to be a tight-arse!” growled Joe. “This place is gonna get closed down!”

“It’s money-squeezer!” snapped Bruce. “I would give you my money but it’s not here, it’s all in the bank!” Just then, the butchers who Bruce had ordered to go get good meat called his mobile. “Darn it, I wish people would just text, it’s so much cheaper!” complained Bruce.

“Bruce!” said a butcher on the phone. “We’ve gotten your meat and are heading back to the shop.”

“It doesn’t matter!” said Bruce. “We’re not gonna pass this thing even if we do have good meat…I need you guys to go to the bank and get three-thousand dollars from my account!”

“Okay.” Replied the butcher. “What’s your password?”

Bruce sighed. “Lavender.” He said quietly. “But don’t go giving out my password to anyone!”

“I won’t!” laughed the butcher. He hung up then yelled out to the entire street of people. “EVERYBODY! BRUCE’S BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER IS ‘LAVENDER’!”


“I’m sick of this!” said Aislynn. “I’m leaving right now, and you’re all gonna lose your jobs!”

“No!” Joe and Bruce both said together.

“Just wait a few minutes!” said Bruce. “We’ll give you a great bribe!”

All the butchers ran in, holding stacks of money.

“That doesn’t look like three-thousand dollars…” said Aislynn, amazed at how much money they were holding.

“Well, ofcourse it isn’t!” laughed a butcher. “This is for you…” he handed her a bag of money. “The rest is for us.” All the butchers cheered and laughed.

Aislynn rolled her eyes. “Next time I come here, I don’t care how much money you give me, I’m closing you down unless you fix this dump up!” She stormed out with the bag of money. Rodolfo ran in just as she left.

“Where’d you go?” asked Joe.

Rodolfo grinned, holding up fifteen thousand dollars. “Lavender.” He smiled, staring at Bruce.

Bruce’s face turned an angry red. “Grr! You stupid little…”

It was another typical day at the Butcher’s.
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