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The Butcher.
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marcus
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. And I got the idea for the kitten thing from what happened a few weeks ago at our house...we kept on seeing a cat come by our house every night, but we just ignored it. Then one day we saw a whole bunch of kittens in our back garden.

MG, the whole "good meat" thing is a phrase that'll probably be used quite a lot, since there's often a customer after some proper, real meat. But it won't always be the same.
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Fan4Lost
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, I finally got to read this all the way through. Phew!

Gerbil, you have quite an active imagination! All the talk of meat makes me want a big juicy steak from OutBack Steakhouse! It's a very dark type of humor, very Quentin Tarentino (i think thats how ya spell his name). I'm curious to see what happens next or who shows up next.

Neat!
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, I waited... is this fic over or what?
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marcus
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not cancelled. I'm just having trouble getting any time to do fun stuff, like writing fics, right now. I know that sounds weird since I'm only in year 8, but I have been getting a whole new heap of homework this year. Plus I have swimming on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I promise I'll write a new ep really soon. I'm soooooo sorry it's been so long!

Oh, and thanks Steph.
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marcus
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“One, eleven, donut, cowhead, mangsheng, potato…” Rodolfo said over and over. He was in his English class.

“No, no, no, Rodolfo!” snapped Rodolfo’s tutor. “It’s one, two, three, four, five, six! It’s not that hard! Most students get it in their third lesson…this is your sixteenth.”

“Sixteenth, seventeenth, dog, fried pork…” Rodolfo tried again.

“NO!” yelled the tutor. “What is wrong with you?”

“Err…new tutor…” said Rodolfo.

“You have another tutor?” asked the real tutor angrily. “Oh no…it’s not that man you work for, is it?…where do you work again?”

The Butcher.

Starring…

Bruce
Joe
Rodolfo

And Guest Starring Nathan.

“I love Fridays…” grinned Bruce at the desk. “Everybody’s so easy going, and relaxed…”

“It’s Wednesday, dad.” replied Joe, putting down a bunch of chicken legs.

“Oh yeah….” said Bruce. “…I’m just saying, I’m thinking of nice times to get me through the week.”

“Nice times in your life and all you can think of is Fridays?” asked Joe.

“Well, I haven’t had a very interesting life!” said Bruce.

“Sure ya have…I mean, you’ve…” Joe looked at Bruce. “Actually…nah, you’re probably right.”

Just then the bell rang, and Rodolfo walked in behind a man in an ugly brown suit.

“You his new ‘tutor’?” asked the man angrily.

“Why, yes I am…” said Bruce. “You must be Nathan.”

“Yes…” said the man. “That’s right…and I need to have a few words with you.”

“Uhh, okay.” replied Bruce. “Want some lamb?”

“I wouldn’t eat your disgusting meat if it was the last food on the planet!” snapped Nathan. “Now is there somewhere that we can speak privately?”

“Yeah, round the back.” said Bruce. Nathan stepped past the counter and to the back.


“Wow. He’s doomed.” sniggered Joe.

“Doomed?” asked Rodolfo.

“Yeah, doomed…” said Joe. “Hey, put on an apron, dude.”

“Certainly, Mr. Human, sir.” grinned Rodolfo. He walked to the fire extinguisher.

“NO! Wait!” yelled Joe. He had forgotten Rodolfo thought an apron was a fire extinguisher. He grabbed it out of his hands quickly, and Rodolfo went falling backwards. He flicked a switch on the dodgy oven next to him, and suddenly a huge fire was coming out.


“Bruce, do you even know how to speak Rodolfo’s language?” asked Nathan.

“Err…well, maybe…what is his language?” asked Bruce.

Nathan laughed. “Very funny, Bruce.”

“No, really…what is it?”

“You can’t be serious…” Nathan said angrily. “Because if you are I’m gonna kill you…”

“Uhh…” Bruce panicked. “Ofcourse I’m not serious…It’s just a joke, Nate!”

“You call me Nathan.” replied Nathan seriously.

“Yes sir, sorry, Mr Nathan, sir.” Bruce said cowardly.

“Bruce?”

“Yes, Mr Nathan sir?” asked Bruce.

“My last name isn’t the same as my first name.”

“Oh…” said Bruce. “Right.”


“Ahh!” yelled Joe. The fire had gotten bigger. It had caught onto a bunch of objects on the counter. “Damn it, Rodolfo!”

“Look at red sparkle!” exclaimed Rodolfo happily.

“It’s not a good thing, you fool!” Joe shouted. “Quick, get the extinguisher!”

Rodolfo ran over to his apron and threw it on the fire. It caught on fire too. “Ahh!” Rodolfo screamed girlishly and picked up the apron, throwing it across the room. A chair caught on fire.

“You idiot, Rodolfo!” yelled Joe. Of all the things Rodolfo got mixed up, the apron and the extinguisher was the worst. “Fine, get the…apron!”


A large amount of noise was coming from the room next to where Nathan and Bruce were.

“What do you think that noise is?” asked Nathan.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing.” replied Bruce. “Probably just an angry customer or something.”

“You get a lot of angry customers here?” asked Nathan.

“Oh, yeah…they’re all such whiners here in Bright. I mean really, if a piece of pig fat doesn’t kill you, ya shouldn’t be complaining about choking on it!” snapped Bruce. Nathan stared at him. “Err, not that anybody has ever choked on pig fat here….just saying…if it happened.”


Rodolfo grabbed the fire extinguisher. “Yes!” said Joe, relieved that Rodolfo finally had gotten the right thing. Rodolfo threw the extinguisher onto the fire, which caught onto the fire aswell. “You’re meant to open the extinguisher, you stupid fool!” yelled Joe. The fire extinguisher fell off the oven and rolled into the back room, where Nathan and Bruce were.

They looked down at it and screamed, jumping up. “Quick!” yelled Nathan, rushing over to the phone. “I’ll call the fire brigade!”


---

The fire was finally out. The whole butcher shop was a mess.

“All the meat is completely burnt!” Bruce cried.

“Dad, in total all the meat would’ve cost about 150 bucks.” said Joe, rolling his eyes.

“That’s a lot of money!” said Bruce.

“Yeah…” muttered Joe. “For a tight-arse.”

“Well, Bruce…” said Nathan. “Now that that horrible moment is behind us…”

“Yeah, but the fire still damaged lots of stuff.” said Joe.

“I wasn’t talking about the fire.” said Nathan, glaring at Bruce. “Bruce, never teach Rodolfo anything ever again, understand?”

“Yeah, yeah…” said Bruce. “…But just out of curiosity, what language does Rodolfo speak?”

Nathan punched Bruce. “You’re an idiot!” He stormed out.

“Sir, you won’t have to pay for much of the damage, but the place will be closed for a couple of weeks.” said a fireman.

“Okay, that’s alright.” said Joe. “Right, dad?”

Bruce rolled his eyes as he got up, rubbing his head. “This would never have happened on a Friday.”

It was another typical day at the Butcher’s. Plus a fire.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great ep Marcus!

That stuff with the fire was hilarious
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marcus
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks MG. The next ep will be the whole group, including the other butchers, going on a camping trip while the shop is fixed up, to try and gain more trust for eachother.
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Aislynn
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apron, fire extinguisher, apron, fire extinguisher... Yeah, I can see how that mix up could happen...

Great job!
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*pokes at weird soggy blob of fic-meat that was the Butcher*

Man, thisfic-meat needsto get updated!
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marcus
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry!!! It's just that this fic's a lot harder to write than my other fics. You have to be in this weird gross meat funny type of mood. I promise within this week there will be an update.
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MovieGuy
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 3:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to be in a weird gross meat mood when I write BikerBoys so I know how it feels
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marcus
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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marcus
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joe packed a six pack of beer into the back of Bruce’s ugly brown van. He looked at the beers. “Yo, Dad!” he said. “What’s with the beers? They smell weird…and I think the top of them have little holes inside."

Bruce walked out, wearing a weird checkered shirt and a large hat. He lifted up another six pack of beers that seemed exactly the same. “I brought one six pack, and got an empty six pack, and poured half of the beer into the empty one, then added some water in each…it’s twelve beers for the price of six!”

Joe sighed. “Tight-arse…” he muttered under his breath. They were going to a camp for a week with all the butchers while the butcher shop was cleaned up after the fire. Joe groaned as he got into the van. It was gonna be a long week, with his father. His father, who happened to be…

The Butcher.

Starring…

Bruce
Joe
Rodolfo

And Guest Starring Ed.

The van finally drove to a dodgy little wooden shack by a river. Rodolfo ran out of the van, excited. He fell into the river. “Ahh!” he screamed. “MONSTER!”

“What?!?” yelled Bruce. “Where?” he jumped up.

“He thinks a monster is a leaf.” sighed Joe.

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Why?”

“Because you taught him.” replied Joe. Just then the rest of the butchers arrived on a mini-bus.

“Okay.” said Bruce. “I guess we’re ready…where are the camp instructors?”

“Here we are!” said a voice. They all turned around to see a man with sunglasses and a huge smile coming towards them, along with a group of sporty people with too much time on their hands. “Hi, guys.” the man with sunglasses said. “I’m Ed.”

“Pleased to meet you, Ed.” said Bruce, shaking hands. “This is really a great chance for me to win lots of things.”

“Oh, Bruce…” said Ed. “We’re not here to compete against each other! This is all to get to know each other better!”

“Oh…” replied Bruce. “Well, I…I guess that could be fun too.”

“Oh, absolutely.” said Ed. He turned to the group. “You’ll all learn to be great friends with the people you work with! You might even say it’s a…meat and greet camp......get it?....because you're butchers?”

Everyone just stood there awkwardly, not laughing. Ed sighed. “Well, come on…” he said finally. “Let’s go sailing!”


After everyone was in their safety-gear, they went down by the river to learn how to sail.

“Okay, folks, I want you to pay close attention while I tell you this stuff, or else you may die.” said a bald man. The group looked at him strangely and he continued. “See this jolly old pole here? It’s called…a sail-pole.”

“Great name.” muttered Joe.

“Now…” continued the man. “You have to pull the sail up, like this, or else it may lose control and you may die. Also, make sure you are not sitting at the front of the sailboat, or else it could collapse and you may die…you should also have one person looking back and one person looking forwards at all times, or else you may die.”

This went on for a while, until the bald man had told just about every possible way to die from sailing. Ed took over. “Okay, guys, you’ll be in groups of three for this…”

“Ooh, you mean it’s a race?” asked Bruce, grinning.

“Well, it’s not exactly an official ra--” began Ed.

“Woohoo!” yelled Bruce. “My team better win!”

Ed stared at Bruce in shock, then moved on. “Anyway, these are your teams…Bruce, you’re with Joe and Rodolfo.”

“Oh, God, NO!” said Bruce loudly. “Err…I mean…great.”


Later…

“Okay, go on my count of three…” shouted Ed. “And remember, this is just for fun, it’s not a race!”

“That’s such loser talk.” said Bruce.

“Three…two…one!” yelled Ed. The sail boats slowly moved along the water. They were all going at the same pace so far.

“Okay, we have to turn!” said Joe. “Rodolfo, put the second sail up!”

Rodolfo took off his shoes and threw them overboard. “What the…?” asked Joe. “What did you do that for?”

“Sorry…” said Rodolfo. “I will get them back…”

“NO!” screamed Joe, but Rodolfo dived off of the boat into the cold water.

“Keep sailing!” snapped Bruce.

“We can’t, we have to wait for Rodolfo.” said Joe. “Otherwise we’ll be disqualified.”

Rodolfo floated back up, holding a shoe. “Well done…” started Joe. “Wait a minute, that’s not your shoe!”

Rodolfo stared at the weird old black boot. “Oops, please wait just one midget…”

“Did he just say to wait one midget?” asked Bruce.

“I think so.” said Joe, rolling his eyes. Finally Rodolfo swam back up with both his shoes.

“Okay, hurry up, we need to catch up with the others!” yelled Bruce.

“We’ve lost three whole minutes!” said Joe.

“Well then, we’ll have to use something to make us go faster…” Bruce looked around, and spotted a speed boat. He grinned. “Okay, get that motor and attach it with some of that rope to this boat. Then we’ll take it off once we’re ahead of the other butchers.”

“That’s cheating, Dad.” replied Joe.

“Who cares?” asked Bruce. So they attached the big motor to the sail boat.

“Okay, hold on, everybody…” said Joe. He yanked the cord on the motor. The sail boat sped off so fast that the world around them was nothing but a big blur.

“AHHH!!!” yelled Rodolfo. “We’re all going to diet!”

“You mean die?” Joe yelled back.

“Yeah!” Rodolfo screamed.

“Yeah, I agree!” Joe shouted.

“We’re gonna win!” Bruce yelled, turning around to smile excitedly.

“WATCH THE FRONT OF THE BOAT!!!” yelled Joe.

BANG!!!

The sail boat crashed into a large bridge. “Wow.” said Rodolfo.

“Where are we?” asked Bruce.

“Dunno…” said Joe. “But I’m pretty sure we were heading the wrong direction.”

Soon Ed and a group of other camp instructors came to rescue them on a large speedboat.

“I told you you’d die!” said the bald man.

Ed munched on an apple then spoke. “You people are the worst group I’ve ever seen!” he said angrily.

“Sorry…” said Bruce. “Want a six pack of beer?”

“You mean half a six pack of beer and half a six pack of water?” asked Joe.

Bruce slapped him on the head. “You didn’t have to tell ‘em that!” he snapped. Rodolfo splashed him. “Hey--” began Bruce. Joe splashed him. The two of them kept on splashing him as he got madder and madder.

“Damn you--” started Bruce, but then the speedboat Ed was driving turned around and splashed a whole heap of water on Bruce’s face. Everyone apart from Bruce laughed.

After all the splashing was done, the three of them finally got on the speedboat and headed back, where a group of other Butchers were celebrating their win.

“Grr…” said Bruce. “It’s not like it’s a real race…”

It was another typical day for the butchers.
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fallen_angel
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO... just read the latest two eps.. too funny Marcus absolutley genius

Quote:
“AHHH!!!” yelled Rodolfo. “We’re all going to diet!”

“You mean die?” Joe yelled back.


"diet"
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marcus
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Vicky.
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