leylin
Council Member
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1286
Location: Still LOST
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 Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 12:47 am Post subject: a poem i wrote |
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so, i wrote this poem for school (our assignment was to write a poem with no limits) and i kinda like it, i was hoping i could get some input, tell me what you think of it? here it is:
Ahoy!
The ship prepares for launch,
About to set sail on it’s adolescent soul’s maiden voyage into independence,
Each hoping to not get lost among the sea of averageness and unimportance.
I do not understand why one would want to board.
To leave the comfort, shelter and only open doors one has come to know,
To jump on board is to walk blindly into the civilized shark’s grinned mouth.
To get past the teeth and let the beast swallow you whole is the ambition of the unlearned sailors.
Jump aboard! They say,
Though they do not see what I see ahead, for their telescope does not reach as far as mine.
They see only the sea ahead,
The journey they are about to set sail for.
Though I see the land some ambition to seek…
I see the sharks circling below,
Waiting for a sailor to loose their way and fall through the cracks in the net designed to catch you when you fall. They are lucky though, if the net does not pressure them to inexistence first.
They do not see the comfort in knowing.
Swirling sounds of soft sorrow surrounds the mourning mothers watching their children board the creaking old ship that they themselves have one stepped on, unknowing this could soon well be a mistake.
The great vessel is ready.
“I shall see you in the next life,” they say as I watch them board…
Leaving me behind, For I am not ready to raise my sails and let the wind carry me off,
My feet are grounded for now…
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just to let everyone know,
me + spelling = hjansbdadfk;a |
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SassyLostie2
Expert Vidder
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 28138
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 12:52 am Post subject: |
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Oh wow...I'm not much of a poet, nor do I read a lot of poetry, but that was beautiful, easy to understand, and very insightful. I loved it, Ley! Very good writing on your part, I hope you do/did well on your assignment. 
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