Lost Video Island

[luvforsawyer]

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They are the sole property of the writers/creators of the show LOST.
Note: This story takes place pre-crash from the time Charlie leaves Liam's house until shortly before he boards the plane. It's my first attempt at a fanfic so please leave any feedback and/or advice. Thanks!


Pain

His hands trembled. His whole body shook. Sweat dripped off him. Death, he imagined, had to be better than this. Every muscle in his body ached and strained as though trying to rip through his skin. He groaned and gritted his teeth as he felt his stomach spasm. He leaned over the edge of the hotel toilet and let out a loud heave. His stomach forced up everything he’d eaten in the last week, it seemed. When he was through, he wiped his mouth with a shaking hand.

Gripping the counter, he pulled himself up towards the sink. The mirror shocked him. The glazed over look in his eyes that he’d become so accustomed to seeing was gone. Instead, large purple bags drooped under his bloodshot eyes. His clammy skin looked almost translucent in the mirror. What the hell had he become? He didn’t recognize himself. No matter how much water he forced himself to drink, even though he knew he’d doubtlessly throw it up again, he couldn’t seem to get rid of the cotton in his mouth. His heart thudded in his chest. He clung to the counter and tried to stumble his way out of the bathroom.

At the doorway, he collapsed to his knees. He cried out in pain as the shaking engulfed him. His tears joined the sweat on his face. His skin felt on fire, prickly and hot. The phone, the phone was ringing. He tried to stand, but the room spun. Opening and closing his eyes a few times cleared his vision a bit. His vision swirled but the spinning didn’t make him too nauseous. He felt he was dying. He had to answer that phone.

“He…hello?”

“Charlie? Charlie, is that you?”

“Li…”

“Charlie-Boy, what’s the matter?”

“I’m…..ah….fine….fine….”

“Charlie, come back. Please. Me and Megan will take care of you. You’ll be fine. Please, Char.”

Charlie wanted to say yes. He wanted to ask his big brother to take him home, to make him feel better, make everything go away. At the same time, his heart broke with the memories of the day before. He wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for Liam. Liam’s the one who started it all. God, this was bad. So bad.

Charlie had left Liam’s feeling like a complete jerk. How had their roles changed so completely? How was it that in a few years they’d become each other? Charlie remembered a time when he was the responsible one, the straight-laced one. Liam had always been the wild one, the party boy, the rebel. He’d made Charlie like him. Liam had done this to him.

“Charlie? Charlie, are you still there?”

“I…yeah, I’m here.”

“Tell me where you are. I’ll leave right now.” Liam’s voice was pleading.

Charlie gritted his teeth as his stomach jolted. His hands shook and he willed one steady enough to hold the phone. “No. I’m fine.”

“Charlie, please. I—”

“I’m fine. Goodbye, brother.”

Liam sighed in defeat. “I love you, Baby Brother.”

Charlie waited for the dial tone to tell him Liam had hung up. “Love you too, Brother,” he whispered.

He wanted to stop. His arms ached. His chest heaved with each breath. Charlie wondered if he would die like this: in some hotel room, alone and broken. He heard a voice in the back of his head.

It’s right there. It’s in the back of the suitcase. You know it’s still there. You left it there on purpose…You left it there so you’d still have some. You didn’t flush it. It’s right there. Go ahead. You’ll stop tomorrow. Just a little bit now, to take the pain away.

That was all Charlie ever wanted. He just wanted the pain to stop. He’d watched the drugs transform Liam to someone he didn’t know or care to know. Charlie had only tried the heroin to be happy. Liam always seemed happier after using. Charlie just wanted to feel, to be happy, or at least not hurt so much. Now whenever he tried to stop, the pain came back. It was ten times worse, though, because now the pain was everywhere. Before the drugs, his heart ached with constant sadness. Now whenever he tried to stop, his whole being ached. Charlie curled into a ball on the ground. He resisted the urge as long as he could.

He cried as he crawled over to the suitcase. Charlie groaned through his tears. He hurt so much. All he wanted was for the pain to stop. The heroin was in a baggie stuffed into the lining of the suitcase. Charlie reached a shaky hand out to the suitcase. He hated it. He hated the relief that washed through him just from feeling the plastic baggie.

A few more seconds. Just a few more seconds and all the pain will be gone. It’ll be all right again. Then you’ll get on the plane and go to L.A. and be a Rock God again.

Charlie picked up a clean tee-shirt and wiped his sweat and tears from his face. He thought about measuring out a line, but couldn’t steady himself enough to do that. He dabbed at the powder with his fingertip. He sighed and snorted it. The high was immediate. It didn’t have the effect he wanted. Charlie’s body relaxed with the high, but his heart still hurt. No, not his heart. His soul. Charlie lay down on the hotel bed and hugged a pillow to his chest.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he whispered. Charlie closed his eyes and let his tears soak the pillow.

[luvforsawyer]

Hate to bump my own postings, but I'd really like some feedback on this one. Like it, love it, hate it? Any and all criticisms are welcome. Thanks!