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Breaking Up (revelation prequel) (all ages, Jack&Sarah)

 
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Jackaroo
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Joined: 13 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 10:10 pm    Post subject: Breaking Up (revelation prequel) (all ages, Jack&Sarah) Reply with quote

Breaking up
(Revelation part two)

Jack and Sarah discuss the reasons for their break-up.

***

Leaning into the doorpost, Jack watched Sarah clean out the closet, looking for her stuff. An uncomfortable silence hang between them – things waiting to be said, but too hard to say. Questions waiting to be asked – but accompanying answer that did not want to be heard.

He needed to know.

“You could’ve talked to me, Sarah. You should’ve at least…”

She froze. More silence. Then she turned around, sighed.

“Jack… when were you there to talk to?”

It probably wasn’t her intention to hurt him – but she did, anyway. He looked away from her, out the window. That’s what it was about, wasn’t it?

He hadn’t been there for her. He’d been at the hospital, working long shifts, dedicating himself to his patients. Saving lives, sure; fixing people so they could walk again someday – but fact still was, he’d had a wife waiting for him at home. Alone.

At least – until she’d found someone else.

She’d been one of them – one of the patients that he so personally attached himself to. One of the people he’d promised to fix after they were brought into the ER, or after they heard they’d probably never walk again. And the miracle she’d allowed him to make happen – no, the miracle that happened to happen after he operated on her – had been the seed out of which something more would grow. As he’d personally seen to it she received proper revalidation care, and had been there to watch her, surprised again and again at her progress, at the fact her spine was restored after what he had been sure was a failed operation, something had grown between them.

She’d fallen in love with him. And he – he’d fallen in love with her. He was convinced of that. This woman – with her perseverance, her stubborn demand to try the exercise one more time, and the twinkle in her eyes as she smiled at him, triumphantly stating see, I said I could do it – was the most beautiful, most lively woman he’d ever met. She was the woman who changed his life. Changed him. Fixed him.

That’s what he told her on their wedding day; after he’d failed to write his wedding vows, that’s what had come out. And there was no doubt he loved her – no doubt at all that this was the very best things would get.

But things changed, like they always do when you have to come down from cloud number nine after the first couple of weeks of lazy happiness and perfect marriage. He’d had to go back to work; back to that world in which life and death were only an inch apart, where good news and bad news came from the same mouth only a few hours apart, and where tears were shed for all possible reasons.

He worked long days – was promoted shortly after their wedding. Not only because that’s what doctors do, but also because he was Jack Shephard; the doctor who’d performed a miracle. The doctor everyone had high expectations from; the one who was said to be able to fix as good as everyone, and everything.

So, that’s what he did. He stared and thought and stared at X-rays until he could promise his patients they’d be fine. He performed surgery on patients that had been given up by other doctors – sometimes at other hospitals, in other states.

Sometimes he failed. When that happened, he worked even harder to make up for it.

All that time he spent at the hospital he obviously didn’t spend at home. When he came home, it was usually late. Satisfied at times – and disappointed at others, but either way tired from being on his feet and on edge all day.

She wanted children – and so did he, but not now. And not… the idea of being a father scared the shit out of him.

She wanted him to work less – he felt it was his responsibility to help people where he could, as there were always more patients than there were doctors; always more people needing help than people that could give it.

His father – Chief of Surgery of the hospital – kept telling him he was needed when he’d bring up the number of hours he worked; kept telling him he had a gift and should use it well. He’d taken the job, hadn’t he?

Now, she was looking at him nearly apologetically for her remark. Too late.

“My timetable’s hardly an excuse for your having an affair, Sarah.”

He sounded harsh – so different from how he’d sounded when she’d told him she was leaving. And he felt so different from how he’d felt then. There was no surprise now, no shock of the news. No fresh guilt for his deed of the day – kissing Gabriella in a moment of accumulated tension, emotion; all too complicated to reflect on in the midst of this. Now, there was no hope of convincing her they could start over. The hurt of her betrayal was not fresh and ruling his thoughts and words, but had declined to be only one of many emotions. One of them anger. Another jealousy. Another guilt. And – just the need to know, exactly, why.

She looked away; took a deep breath and faced him again; “Yeah, I’m the one who ruined it all, aren’t I? I’m the bad girl who messed up a perfectly fine marriage. Aren’t I?”

Now he was the one to look away – it seemed that was just the way they fought. Hurl truths at each other, neither one of them wanting to give in or give up. They were both unfair, and they both knew it. They messed it up – together.

He nodded vigorously. “OK. So if this is what it’s about; I work too much. And you didn’t think it was worth a try to ask me – really ask me to cut back? You didn’t think I’d do that if I’d know where you stood?”

You could’ve known where she stood, Jack, if you’d just been here to see it.


Suddenly, she changed; her voice changed, the way she stood in the room changed.

Resolutely, she said, “Jack, just – please, just… quit the crap. You know what this is about.”

He looked up in sincere surprise. Shook his head as he thought about what she could mean.

Kids?

She walked up to him as she spoke, hard, determined – she was going to have her say now, and he’d better just shut up and listen.

“This is not about full schedules, or careers, or paying the bills, or kids, or your continuous need to ‘help people.’”

He blinked as she was standing only two feet from him, now, and brought up his ‘flaw’ - nearly everyone he knew called him dedicated. She said he had an obsessive personality.

Sometimes - sporadically -, he wasn’t sure which was true.

But that was not what it’s about.

“Then what is it about, Sarah?” he answered her in the way he knew she wanted him to.

Somewhere deep down, a knot of fear was tied. For a big part, she was wrong and it was about the things she’d named. What scared him was the part she was right about. Because there was something else, something that might be more important than all the other issues together.

It was something that he’d refused to acknowledge was there, at first; hoped to go away then; and ignored and again repressed when it hadn’t. It was something that sped up to break the surface, now.

He didn’t exactly remember when he’d begin to realize Sarah had not fixed him, at all.

Because it simply couldn’t be fixed; only kept safely locked inside for no one to ever see. To pretend and be who he was expected to be; who he must be. It was more than pretend, even - it was a lie. And he’d lied to himself more than to anybody else. Because he must’ve realized, all along, Sarah couldn’t change who he was, no matter how hard he wished she could.

Did she know?

She stated another plain truth;

“It takes a certain kind of love to make a marriage work, Jack.”

He closed his eyes. She knew. She knew that all of this - whatever arguments they might have, whatever accusations they might come up with to throw at each other - it was all just a facade.

She knew about his lie.

There were tears in her voice. Hurting, but determined;

“It involves physical attraction. And we... you...”

As he opened his eyes, she closed hers to let out a tear before they met - hers trying to say what she did not want to say out loud, his pleading her not to say it, period; all four of them filled with tears wanting to be let out.

“You never felt that kind of love for me, did you?”

He shook his head, trying to shake off his fear of having to face this; trying to push away the despair of the scene, trying to think of some way - any way - to continue in the lie, and believe it.

Eyes closed; “I did -“ cursing himself for the mistake “- I do.”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!”

She closed her eyes and swallowed - found her calm self. She started crying - soundlessly - , her eyes wide open and locking his through the blur.

I’m sorry, Sarah. I’m sorry...

Soft; “Jack...”

Shaking, begging - Please don’t...

“Are you gay?”

No... no

He’d known it was coming, hadn’t he? Than why did it feel like he’d been hit in the stomach? Why did these three words together change the room around him, make the walls pull away, leaving him standing there in the nowhere, all by himself with her voice echoing in his head?

He snorted; laughed at her. Couldn’t look at her as he said, dismissive,

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Look at me, Jack! Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t marry me for the wrong reasons!”

He did look her in the eye, but he couldn’t answer her. Couldn’t lie. And she could read the truth from his face. He didn’t have to answer. And he couldn’t bare the look in her eyes for it.

He swallowed away the lump in his throat and blinked - fifteen, fifty, eighty times - and took a deep breath before he could speak – in his most dry, business-like tone;

“I, ehm... I’m gonna be late for a meeting at the hospital. You know the way out, right?”

He nodded before he turned and walked away. She didn’t stop him.

***

Written by Jackaroo
Disclaimer: I do not own the LOST concept, any of the characters, a.s.o. This fan fiction story is based on the ABC TV Series LOST by J.J. Abrams.
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DaisyAdair
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Joined: 04 Mar 2006
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Location: Massachusetts

PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent...

I can not believe that I forgot to comment on this piece

really good stuff

WE WANT MORE
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Distress Signal
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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is awesome so far! I'm really intrigued by the twist you put on Jack. Can't wait to see what happens next.
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Jackaroo
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Joined: 13 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks heeps!
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