Lost Video Island

[mistojen]

Change Nothing
A/N: What may have been running through Shannon's mind when Vincent led her to Boone's grave in 2x06 - Abandoned.

Shannon could always find an excuse not to do something she really wanted to do. She couldn’t afford it. She had no means. Sabrina said, “no.” Or...perhaps, she was just afraid.

The reason she and Boone seemed not to get along was not because Boone was overbearing, nor was it because Shannon was such a bitch. Shannon and Boone butted heads because Boone knew Shannon’s secret, and Shannon didn’t like being vulnerable.

Behind all the glamour, the never-ending legs, and the sh*tty smirk, Shannon was afraid. Comfort came in knowing that no matter how badly she screwed up, Boone would bail her out. Her security blanket was that even if she moved, or married, or ran away, Boone would always be there to bring her back and to be there. Shannon Rutherford’s facade was very important to her, and she got so good at holding it above herself that she had, somewhere along the way, begun to believe all the lies she told. She started to buy her own excuses...but Boone never did.

As Boone sat looking down at her, his blue eyes intense with the same stare he always gave her when he could tell she was lying through her teeth, Shannon wanted nothing more than to take back the confidence she’d once given him.

He was offering her a lot of money. Plenty, in fact, to keep her afloat for a little while and ride her dream. But was it her dream? She’d wanted it so badly when Boone was actually in New York, but now, if she took him up on his offer, she’d be alone, and there was nothing appealing about that.

“I don’t want your money!” she seethed. Yes, she did. She wanted it really badly. She wanted this internship more than anything she’d ever wanted in her life...she just didn’t want to do it without her safety net. She didn’t want to do it without Boone.

The wind blew her hair about her face and it stuck to her tear-stained cheeks as Shannon stared at the man-made cross marking where her support beam was now forever laid to rest. No one on this island would ever understand her, because Shannon had no intention of letting anyone in. Sayid would never even know that Shannon didn’t want off the island as much as she pretended she did. In fact, Sayid would never even know that Shannon didn’t want off the island at all, anymore. If she left, Boone wouldn’t be there with her, and if she left, she’d have to make decisions of her own, because Boone wouldn’t be there to catch her when she fell, or to push her when she couldn’t step forward on her own.

Yes, Shannon could always find an excuse not to do something she really wanted to do, but now...there would be no one there to see through her and show her that she could do it. Shannon would now always be very much alone. Even though no one knew her secret, Boone still did, and regardless of where he lay, it still made her uneasy.

Comfort comes in changing nothing...this island robbed her of her comfort, and now she could see that she was on her own. Change is a scary thing for someone like Shannon, but she will find a way to avoid it; she always has, and always will.
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